


Haunted Mansion

by shinjitherapper



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Stuart Little (Movies)
Genre: Australia, Evil, Exorcisms, Family Drama, Horror, Multi, Other, Possesion, Romantic Comedy, luigi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 10:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1815583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinjitherapper/pseuds/shinjitherapper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuart accepts a deadly dare, in exchange for money. Bringing along Eren, Kaworu, and Shinji, they must spend one night in a haunted home. And survive. However, Eren may have summoned a demon onto the family...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haunted Mansion

2 am. Shinji could not fall asleep. Eren had been having nightmares and had snuck into his bed. Now that wouldn't have been so bad, but Eren liked to beat the shit out of people in his sleep. Something about "avenging his mother". Anyways, Shinji was on the floor now, possibly with some cracked ribs. Suddenly the phone rang. Shinji picked up the phone and a familiar voice greeted him.

  
"Hey you big piece of shit," Stuart said. "I gotta proposition for you. This guy I know is offering me some money to stay in this 'haunted' house tomorrow night. Only thing is, I gotta bring some 'friends' along too. I'm bringing you, Eren, and Kaworu. Just called to let you know to be ready by tomorrow, 9 pm."

  
"What the fuck, what's in it for me? Last time I wanted you to do something I had to buy you 40 some pounds of cocaine." Shinji whispered, not wanting to anger sleeping Eren.

  
"Uh, how about you guys do it, and I don't come over and shank your ass?" He hung up.

  
Shinji let a single tear roll down his cheek. He was hoping to score some cocaine out of the deal. He picked up his Goosebumps book that was on the floor. Haunted house? That was just some R.L Stein bullshit. Ghosts aren't even real. Rolling a joint, Shinji wondered what kind of friends would make Stuart go in a haunted house. Then again, his own friends almost killed him and stole 4k from his savings account. He gave a hard look at the people he hung out with. He then took a long hit of his joint.

"These motherfuckers will literally be the death of me."

He passed out.

\--------------------------------

Shinji woke at 8:45 pm to the smell of something similar to rotting flesh and whipped cream. Eren was probably making supper again. Shinji walked out into the kitchen and was surprised to find that Eren was not in there.

"Eren!" Shinji called out. "Where are you?"

"He's here." Eren said, suddenly appearing behind him. Shinji shit himself.

"Holy shit where did you come from"

"He's here." Eren repeated.

His eyes had rolled to the back of his skull, and he was convulsing. Foam trickled from his mouth, and blood from his eyes. He was holding a ragdoll covered in blood. Shinji groaned loudly.

"Eren I told you to stop messing around with the stupid Japanese horror rituals."

He took a knife and stabbed the doll. Eren shook his head quickly.

"Haha I'm dizzy." he said. He licked the foam off the corner of his mouth, then he frowned hard. "I think I released a demon into our lives."

"Shut the fuck up and get ready, Stuart is going to show up in his minivan any minute now for us."

And sure enough, honks were heard outside. And skidding tires. Shinji grabbed his backpack and Eren's hand.

"There he is."

Stuart had dented their garage, and was bleeding from his ears.

"Dude check if he's dead. Maybe he has his wallet on him."

Stuart flinched, and punched Eren in the nose. "Get in the fucking car, slags. Until we get in that house, my wallet is fucking empty."

Shinji obeyed, while soothing a crying Eren. Suddenly, spiders were crawling all over the van floor. He swatted at Eren's hungry hand. 

"Don't fucking eat them."

"What the hell is going on? Why are your ears bleeding?" Shinji asked, and Stuart peeled out of the driveway and took out 5 mail boxes.

"Drugs are amazing." he sniffed.

Eren picked up a spider and examined it.

"Why this," he mumbled, before using his tongue to envelope the insect into his mouth.

  
Stuart weaved in and out of cars, fast approaching 90 mph. He used his tiny middle finger often. Shinji gripped the seat hard.

  
"My stupid fucking nerd ass brother George borrowed my car with his lame ass spider farm and spilled it everywhere. Now they live here. We have a mutual understanding. DON'T FUCKING EAT THEM."

Eren popped one in his mouth, looking the rodent in the eye.

"NO NOT CHARLOTTE!" Stuart screamed.

They pulled up in front of Kaworu's house, knocking over a light post. Kaworu came out in nothing but his swim trunks, and ran his fingers through his hair. Shinji salivated.

  
"Does this fuck think he's still in Australia it's 48 degrees out." Stuart grumbled, laying his tiny hand on the horn. "LETS GO SHITFACE!" he yelled out the window.

Kaworu picked up his surfboard and hopped into the van.

"Oi mates, where's the barbie at?" He put on his shades, apparently ready for a beach party.

Stuart put his hands to his face, rubbing his temples. "Kaworu, I already fucking told you. Haunted. House."

Kaworu continued smiling, rubbing sunscreen on his arms. "Stuart, you're as mad as a cut snake."

Eren grabbed the sunscreen bottle, sniffing it.

"I for one do not mind this situation," Shinji added, eyes not leaving Kaworu's pasty body.

Stuart threw up in his mouth. They then drove to the haunted house. The windows were boarded up, red stains scattered the sidewalk. It began raining, with claps of thunder. There was dead birds all over the dry grass.

"I heard there's a jacuzzi inside," Stuart said, excited.

They all piled out of the van. A bird fell dead in front of Kaworu, who subsequently fainted.

"Guess we should carry him in." Stuart said, grabbing his feet.

"I'll take his head!" Eren said, shoving his fingers into Kaworu's nose holes and lifting him.

Shinji capitalized. "I've got his ass!"

They carried Kaworu up to the door, where they dropped him. He abruptly sat up.

"GREAT JUMPING WALLABIES!" he exclaimed, rubbing his head. "Oi mates be a little bit gentla next time, olright?" He rubbed his nose, wondering why it burned so bad.

The group ignored Kaworu's bleeding nose, and turned their direction back to the mouse.

"Here it is!" Stuart said, rubbing his grimy little paws together.

"How do we get inside?" Shinji asked.

"The door, piss-for-brains." Stuart sneered.

Eren tried opening the door, but it would not budge. A long, low, disturbing moaning noise came from inside.

"Well, guess we better leave then!" Kaworu said, turning quickly.

Stuart bit him. "No, fucker, you're staying so I can get my damn money!"

Just as Kaworu was about to punt Stuart half way to Timbuktu, the door opened. No one was on the other side.

The group looked at each other, in silent agreement this was some fucked up shit.

"Automatic door! Classy," Stuart waltzed in.

Kaworu, Shinji, and Eren begrudgingly followed. Right when they walked in, the door slammed shut behind them.

"What the fuck?" Kaworu panicked, pulling the door knob.

It would not open. Eren began crying. Shinji peed his pants. Stuart was not going to last 24 hours if things lasted like this.

"Asslamps, calm the fuck down!"

Shinji turned around. "Calm the fuck down? I can't see for shit and I think Kaworu shit his pants. Who brought a flashlight?"

The group went silent.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Shinji fell to his knees, devastated.

"We can start a fire!" Stuart prompted. Surely it could be an adequate source for heat and light.

  
"Mate, none of us brought a flashlight wot make you think we've got the koala tails to start a fire?" Kaworu said into the darkness.

Stuart laughed. "I always got fire making stuff on me," The group heard him rustling around. "I've got lighter fluid and a match."

"Why...?" Shinji asked, a little afraid of the answer.

"Because," Stuart answered politely. "Sometimes people ask too many questions. Understand?" He clapped his hands together. "NOW. What can we set on fire?"

"How about Eren's hair?" Kaworu offered.

Eren clapped his hands in excitement.

"My hair catches on fire super easy!!" He said helpfully.

Shinji interjected. "We are NOT setting Eren on fire. Why don't we just use the match to light the way to a lightswitch of some sort?"

It was still pitch black, but Shinji could almost hear the entire group frown hard.

"Why don't we just use the match to light our way nyeah nyah nyeah," Stuart said, mocking Shinji. He threw the can somewhere in the room and light the match. Now they could see about an inch in front of them. "Alright let's go then, fuckwads."

The group made their way forward, until Stuart tripped. The match flew forward and landed in the lighter fluid that had spilled. It exploded.

"The demon that's been following me says that was a bad idea," Eren said.

Everyone slowly turned their heads towards Eren.

"Way to be a killjoy, fuckass," Stuart glared.

The fire continued to spread. A contorted face shifted in the fire, with a piercing screech.

"Jesus fuck! Put this shit out!" Shinji screamed.

Everyone turned to Stuart's Slurpee. He grabbed it possessively.

"Oh fuck no we aren't using this put some small shit out. This cost me $1.45."

Kaworu smacked Stuart, while Shinji poured the cherry slurpee over the fire.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Stuart began sobbing.

Now they were in the dark again, and Stuart didn't have his slurpee. Nobody was having a good time.

"Hey guys do you think we could use this?" Eren pulled out his iPhone with a built in flashlight. It illuminated the entire room.

Stuart almost murdered again.

The gang looked around at their surroundings. To their left was a tall, rickety spiral staircase that ascended into darkness. To their right were cellar doors. And in front, what appeared to be the kitchen. However, all that was in the room was a tipped over fridge from the 50s. 

The wallpaper in their current room was molded and peeling, and wood was coming apart. All the walls were covered in old 18th century paintings of old ladies who looked to be on the brink of death and fear on their faces. Someone had painted giant red x's on all of them in red paint.

"This dude really needed to hire an interior designer." Shinji muttered.

"Oi! I'm starving!" Kaworu chirped, making his way to the tipped over fridge.

The rest of the group followed. The painting's eyes seemed to follow them out of the room.

The grey haired boy pulled the fridge door open, and began gagging. Inside was piles of flesh, dripping with blood.

Shinji began vomiting, the smell of raw meat succumbed his nose. Eren poked at the flesh, intrigued. Kaworu wisely closed the fridge door.

"Okay then, how about a game?"

Everyone made their way back to the living room, and sat in a circle.

"Alright, truth or dare."

Stuart groaned. "This is some junk ass middle school shit."

Shinji pulled Eren aside. "Okay, man, this is my chance to get with Kaworu. Now when it's your turn, you choose me, I pick dare, you say-"

"I got it brother!! I got you."

Shinji smiled. They returned to the circle.

"Well if you two pansy ass motherfuckers are done gossiping, it's time to get my truth or dare on. Eren, you start."

Eren winked at Shinji. "Shinji, truth or dare?"

Shinji pretended to think it over. He couldn't wait to be dared to kiss Kaworu.

"Dare!" he finally answered.

"Okay!" Eren replied happily. "I dare you to suck Kaworu's dick."

Shinji turned bright red and Eren winked again.

"Okay this game is over." Stuart said, walking away.

Suddenly the cellar doors began to rattle, as if someone was trying to escape from the basement. Shinji soiled himself again.

Kaworu got up. He began walking towards the basement door. "Oi, what doovalacky is down there?"

Shinji ran up to stop him. "Kaworu no! I'll come with you."

The taller boy put his hands on Shinji's shoulders, smiling. "I can't bear to see you getting hurt." He pulled Shinji into a heartfelt embrace.

Eren punched Kaworu in the side, pissed off. "The demon says go in the basement right now."

Kaworu nodded, pulling himself from the ground. Right when he walked in, the door slammed shut behind him.

"Kaworu!" Shinji pounded on the door.

"Oi mate, I'm right here. There's a chap in a cloak and mask coming ri-"

Suddenly, just screams were heard, and the sound of cracked bones. Shinji dropped to his knees and began to cry.

"Fuck!" Stuart said. "I better still get paid!"

"Demon said this would happen," Eren said, deadpan.

"Oi! I'm fine! I just tripped over all these random skulls lying around on the stairs!" Kaworu called from the cellar.

Shinji squeaked. Down in the cellar Kaworu was staring at the hooded figure.

"I don't know wot this masked guy wants. He doesn't have a face. I think he's in a gang!" Kaworu yelled up the stairs.  

"Aye mate wot are you doing down here?" he said to the figure. "If you want to initiate me I just gotta let you know I don't do robes." He flexed, smirking. "I like to show this body off."

The hooded figure turned to his side and pointed down a long, dark hallway.

"What?" Kaworu asked, squinting.

"GO!!" The entity screamed.

"Alright alright mate no need to get pissy. Crikey."

Kaworu began to walk down the long hallway, stepping on bones with every step. He could feel the hooded figure staring at him. Well, not staring, since he didn't have eyes. But something like that.

"This is a smashing set up down here. Could build a bowling alley down here too, oight." Kaworu rambled, unbeknownst of his impending doom.

Finally they came to the end of the hallway, where there was 20 other cloaked and masked men. They turned around and began to huddle around Kaworu.

"Oi there, this body is wanted, yes, but even a dingo knows this," He flexed for effect. "Is untouchable,"

Ignoring him, they grabbed him and began carrying him to the center of the room. A pentagon was drawn on the ground, with unknown writing scrawled around it..

Upstairs, Shinji was still trying to open the cellar doors. "Open goddamit!!" he yelled, but his weak, pasty arms could not get the doors to budge.

"I say we forget about him," Stuart said, filing his nails.

Eren shook his head. "Demon says if we leave him he dies."

"Really shitface? I thought maybe they were going to throw him a birthday party!" Stuart coughed up some blood.

"IS THAT A DEMON TOO?" Shinji screamed.

"Yeah, that's a demon. My own personal one. Lady cocaine." Stuart replied.

Shinji punted him.

"Eren, you have a phone right? Can you call for help?" Immediately after saying this Shinji regretted it.

Eren swallowed the phone, and their light source, whole.

"Who should I call?" Eren said into the darkness, a giant smile on his face. He was always glad when he could help.

"Who the fuck even buys this twerp a phone? Shit, make a better investment and buy a fake ID," Stuart grumbled.

Shinji ignored him. "Call Kaworu!"

"No, call a fucking priest. We didn't need ghost boy anyways,"

Eren sat down, confused.

Suddenly, footsteps were heard. It came from the stairs, the creaky bending of wood echoing throughout the home.

"Who the fuck is that?" Stuart loudly whispered.

"Demon," Eren said, unfazed.

Shinji had a rash in his pants by now. He rummaged through his backpack, pulling out a Ouija board. "Maybe it's a cool ghost,"

"Hey dipshit, put your lame ass middle school game away and call the priest! We can't see shit anyways."

"No no no no," Shinji whispered. "This is the preschool version. It's talks to you in case you can't read! Perfect for in the dark."

"Shinji... Can you not read?" Stuart asked.

Shinji was silent a moment.

"Anyways, everyone put your hands on the slider thing-" he guided their hands to it. Stuart opted to stand on it instead. "-now let's ask it some questions."

Suddenly the air got very cold, and the hairs on the back of Shinji's neck stood up.

"He's here," Eren said quietly

"Eren! Shut the fuck up already!"

The air began to smell putrid, and wafted into their nostrils.

"Okay, who the fuck farted," Stuart gagged,"Or like, shit themselves."

Eren began floating, whispering the language of Hell.

"Holy shit!" Shinji attempted to grab Eren, but alas, he was too short.

The boy stayed stuck to the cieling, unable to float farther.

Angered, he turned to Stuart. "Ask a fucking question!"

"On anon or nah?" Stuart prodded.

Again, Stuart was punted across the room.

Shinji placed his hands on the slider. "Dear.. Uh.. Ghost thing. How can we save Kaworu." He thought for a moment. "Oh and I guess Eren too."

The slider began to move across the board. An electronic voice would enthusiastically call out the letters as the slider moved across them.

"D!"

"O!"

"U!"

"G!"

"Now, can you tell me what that spells?" Silence. "Doug! Very good kids!"

Shinji took his hands off the board. "Doug? What the hell does that mean?"

Stuart walked over. "Oh yeeeah..." He started. "That makes sense. My priest's name is Doug."

"You go to church?"

"Watch it wise guy." Stuart said, raising a tiny fist. "I guess we could call Doug for help... But I don't know. Dude owes me a LOT of money."

"What the fuck! Call him!" Shinji said. He was jumping up to try and reach Eren, whose head was currently spinning in complete circles.

Stuart pulled out his own iPhone, and scrolled through the contacts. "Yeah Doug, I'm gonna need an exorcism," The mouse chewed on a piece of cheese,"Hurry the fuck up then! Don't tell the cops anything, just fucking run." He then hung up the phone.

Shinji gaped. "You have a phone?"

Stuart stopped playing Angry Birds to look up. "Yeah? It has 4G."

Shinji punted Stuart, and dialed Kaworu's number. "Kaworu? Are you there?" Shinji asked nervously.

A laugh was heard from the other line. "Yes Shinji. Come downstairs. I have a surprise for you."

"But Kaworu, I can't open the doors. I am not nearly as strong or as handsome as you." That last part slipped out. Kaworu chuckled.

"Shinji-kun. Try again. I'll be waiting~"

Shinji became quite excited. He ran over to the cellar doors and used all his strength to lift them. Although this time they were much lighter, and he ended up whacking himself in the face. Eren laughed in a demonic voice and then spit up acid, which burned a whole into the floor.

"Aye where the fuck do you think you're going?" Stuart asked, "Dont leave me alone with this possesed turd nugget."

Shinji simply clicked his teeth and winked before heading down the stairs and out of sight. The doorbell rang.

"I hope that's my fucking pizza," Stuart said. He opened the door and was greeted by Father Doug.

"Aye man I gotta let you know I couldn't get you your uh... Your 'shipment' today if you know what I mean. I'm technically on probation so the shit that's going on in this house-" he gestured around, "better not land my ass back in prison."

Stuart nodded thoughtfully. "Been there, done that, I understand. But don't think I've forgotten about the 23 dollars you owe me."

Father Doug nodded and entered the house, the door slamming behind him. He had brought a flashlight, and flicked it on.  "So what crazy shits going on in this house?"

Stuart pointed to Eren on the ceiling, who was convulsing and spitting acid everywhere.

"JESUS CHRIST SON OF MOTHER OF MARY." Father Doug exclaimed, repeatedly making the sign of the cross across his chest. "THATS SOME FUCKED UP SHIT"

"Yeah, so if you'd like to help us out that would be great."

Father Doug was not pleased. He pulled out a water gun. "I filled this shit up with holy water,"

He began squirting the blessed water at Eren, who screamed. Steam raised from his skin, and he looked to be in great pain.

Stuart nodded. "I think it's working."

Eren's hair electrified, and began moving on all four limbs. Father Doug pulled out a guitar, and began whacking Eren with it. Stuart joined in, using his bass. Meanwhile downstairs, Shinji traveled down the dark hallway. Finally, he made it to a room. Before entering, he made sure to chew on mint gum.

Shinji was a bit confused as to why it sounded like a 6th grade emo band was practicing upstairs, but he ignored it. After checking his create, Shinji slowly made his way to the door and turned the handle. He shit himself upon seeing what was inside.

My Little Pony merch littered the floors, along with several magazines entitled "Clop Weekly". Pictures of scantily clad Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle covered the walls and ceilings. And in the middle was Kaworu, wearing a Doctor Whooves t-shirt and homemade pony ears on his head. He was holding too pony plushies. The homemade kind- you know what I mean.

Shinji took a step backward, horrified.

"Come play with me Shinji-kun."

"K-Kaworu. This isn't like you," Shinji sniffed, tears forming in his eyes. "I know this isn't. You've always been more of a Sailor Moon fan. How could you?" He fell to his knees. Then something occurred to him. This wasn't Kaworu- no. Kaworu was being possessed by the ghost of a dead brony.

"Kaworu..why?" Shinji trembled with fear. He was in the presence of a brony himself, who had supernatural powers.

Kaworu guffawed. "Not all men, Shinji-kun."

He walked closer to Shinji. The shorter boy screamed, and ran the opposite direction.

"You can run, but you can't hide, Shinji." Kaworu walked briskly, tailing Shinji.

He was ready to shit himself, and he did. Yet he continued running, until he made it to the kitchen door. Slamming it shut, Shinji walked into a hellish scene.

A priest and Stuart were performing illegal wrestling moves on Eren. Eren's eyes were pure black, and there was blood squirting everywhere. Suddenly, a group of masked and cloaked men walked into the kitchen, staring at them.  
Father Doug hogtied Eren and threw him in the corner.

"That should hold that crazy motherfucker for awhile." He said, wiping his hands together.

Eren was still shooting blood. Shinji screamed.

Father Doug looked over and saw that Shinji was being cornered by what looked like a bunch of goth kids with no faces and a crazy brony.

"Aye man I don't know what you expect me to do!"

Stuart thought a moment. First they could take care of brony Kaworu. _What do bronies hate most?_ he thought to himself.

"Shinji!" Stuart yelled out. "Insult Kaworu's masculinity!"

Kaworu had opened his mouth, revealing rows of razor sharp teeth, and was inching closer to Shinji.

"UHH..." Shinji started. "My Little Pony is a little girls show!"

Kaworu stopped. "No there's a lot of grown up jokes in it ok. It's a really mature show. Lots of grown up humor. Have you even watched an episode? Stop being so sexist against men."

"Older men should not be watching it," Shinji said.

Kaworu dropped to the ground and began to cry. "But it taught me so much about friendship!! Friendship and magic!! And how sexy ponies can be!"

Then he passed out. The brony demon left him to instead possess a reddit r/mensrights thread.

Kaworu woke up. "Oi wot the-?" but he could not finish his sentence as 5 hooded figures had surrounded him.

Shinji pulled out a sniper, and blasted the masked and cloaked men. They all fell down, along with their mask. With no one underneath.

"What the fuck!" Shinji was perturbed.

However, the exorcism of Kaworu Nagisa was complete.

"Kaworu, thank god you're okay. If you were dead I don't know what I'd do." He began to cry.

"I'll you what I'd do. Order myself a large pepperoni from Tony's pizzeria." Stuart added.

Kaworu sent him a glare.

"I don't mean to intrude, but your brother is possessed as fuck and flying around like a fucking eagle." Father Doug interrupted. 

Eren flew above them, letting out a breath of fire and a screech. Kaworu knew exactly what to do, something he picked up from Australia. He ripped the brony clothes off, now only in his swim trunks again. He pulled out his guitar. He strummed a few cords.

"Some-" he began to sing, but it sounded a bit off. He cleared his throat.

"Some **BODY** once told me the world was gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed-"

"What the fuck is he doing?" Stuart whispered to Father Doug as Kaworu continued to play the familiar tune.

"Aye you didn't know? You learn this in day one of becoming a priest in prison. Demons HATE Smash Mouth."

"-hey now, you're an all star, get your game on, go play-"

Eren screamed, covering his ears. His skin began to boil.

"-hey now, you're a rockstar, get the show on, get paid-"

Eren began to convulse. It was working.

Stuart covered his eyes. Father Doug took out his cellphone and began recording.

"This some YouTube shit!"

"-all that glitters is goOold, only shooting stars break the mo-o-old."

And with that, Eren dropped from the ceiling, and the demon inside him left to pursue a less fucked up individual.

"You did it Kaworu!" Shinji exclaimed, wrapping his arms around the Australian.

Kaworu pretended it was Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and smiled to himself. He wasn't sure what he had done. He just really loved Smash Mouth.

Eren punched Kaworu in the nose. "You sick fuck. Let go of my brother. Or get these hands."

With that, he dropped to the ground, spitting up blood. After a couple minutes, he woke up, muttering "Vapowave..." And fell back into a slumber.

"Well, would you look at that? It's morning mates." Kaworu put an arm around the whole group. Father Doug was extremley uncomfortable.

Kaworu saw Father Doug's discomfort and placed a very large yaoi hand on his shoulder.

"Thank you Father Doug-Chan. You didn't do shit but I appreciate you being here."

"Alright well I'm pretty sure I've seen about 36 illegal acts take place in this house tonight and my momma said I gotta come home right now immediately." And with that, Father Doug fled the house.

Shinji turned to Stuart. "Why is it that we had to stay here again?"

Stuart shrugged. "One of my boys sent me this text. It says 'Haunted Mansion all night 4 money y/n? Bring friends' and I texted back 'y' and he sent me this address-" Stuart showed Shinji the address.

"Stuart.." Shinji started. "That's not this house.. That address is for the house next door."

"WHAT," Stuart yelled. "C'mon let's go check this out."

The gang walked one house over and found themselves at the door of a quaint little home that was hardly threatening. Stuart knocked. A brown cat opened the door.

"Stuart!" He exclaimed.

"Monty.." Stuart said, somewhat angrily. "This doesn't look like a haunted mansion to me.."

Monty began to laugh. "No motherfucker! We were marathoning Haunted Mansion all night! You know, the movie with Eddie Murphy? We were gonna pay who ever could sit through it the longest. You uh kind of missed it tho." He laughed again. "Snowball got so shitfaced it was hilarious! Oh man it was really too bad you missed it. Well c'ya."

And with that, Monty shut the door on Stuart, who passed out right on the door step.

Kaworu examined the scene. "So who wants pizza?"

**Author's Note:**

> nvwein acsiowvgqpow;clTHE CODE IS 3198OREI89248UR89R83UR2QU9E219E3HD31UO1DX2HH983HDUXN12H9D37GFUCBIXNED748293102W8937E24GOD IS HERE 24489EQIOKDALXMCZ XNVJWAKLM


End file.
